Thursday, August 14, 2008

The bunny

I get a call from a Columbia student who's interested in seeing the apartment. I have an appointment downtown and tell her I can show the place between x and x time. She assures me that she'll be there.

Nope she's not.

I grab my bag and am ready to head out the door, I should have left 20 minutes ago, but I waited. Just as my hand reaches the doorknob

Zzzzzzzzzzzt! Zzzzzzzzzzzt! That's my door buzzer. Zzzzzzzzzzzt!Zzzzzzzzzzzt!

"Hi, I called you earlier, I'm here to see the room."
"Come on up." I sigh, I'm going to be late.

I hear the knock on the door, open it up and in walks a short, rather chubby woman dressed ala Lolita. We're talking pig tails, knee highs, shorts and a top that wasn't picked for comfort. It's a super tight, too short tee that shows off her rolls of leftover baby fat and tons of college food fat.

She bounces in.

"I'm sorry but we're going to have to make this fast. As I told you on the phone, I had to leave at a certain time for a business appointment. If you want to come back another time or..."

She bounces into the apartment. Seriously. Bounces in, pig tails flying, fat jiggling, she moves like a toddler in a playground who really has to pee. Bad.

"Oh no, I can look now."

I briefly show her the place, fuming under my breath. She looks at the bedroom, looks at the apartment. Then she whirls and twirls around the living room over and over again.

"Hey, I gotta go."

"You know, " she looks at me and attempts to strike a lascivious pose. I fold my arms and stare at her. "I never pay for my rent."

"That's nice. Get out."


"C'mon, shoo."


"Take your act somewhere else."

I practically propel her and I out of the apartment. I lock up. She's still staring at me.

I keep moving towards the elevator. Slowly it enters into her head that I'm not buying her bs. She starts to do that toddler shuffle walk. As she sees me open the elevator door, and it's obvs by my actions that I'm not going to wait for her, she changes her walk to that of an adult, gets in and sulks all the way to the first floor.


Elisa said...

Are you serious? This really happened? I would have looked around to see if I was being Punk'd or something. People like that really exist???

Oh my, I have lived a sheltered life.

Blondie! said...

Yes, it really happened! I must be a wackjob magnet!