If it's Sunday it means the idiots come out

Today I got two time wasting phone calls from people who saw my ad on Craigslist..


Guy - do you rent to Columbia Students? I'm a student
Me - yeah
Guy - Well, I have Columbia housing. I only need a room for three days
Me - Call a hotel or someone who rents by the day
Guy - But you're near Columbia
Me- I don't rent by the night
Guy - But you're near Columbia
me- does my ad say I rent by the night? No. Check CL
Guy -But you're near Columbia. I need a place
Me- bye-bye!

Next phone call was from a woman who is in Germany, spends an insane amount of time telling me about herself then says she can only rent in mid September and will call me again when she gets here.

Intro

I live in the absolute best (and possibly craziest) city in the world; New York City.

There are a few things that are hard to find here:

1. A good man
2. A good hairstylist
3. A good gynecologist
4. A SANE roommate

Please note that number 4 on the list is probably the hardest thing to find here.
It's easy to find a roommate, but a sane one, that my dear is another story.

This blog is a collection of the crazy interviews and roommates that I've had.

I'll start off with the naked man story.

Let me set the scene- I'm at a friend's housewarming party- we're all on the roof, it's late at night, we're all a bit tipsy.

Brrrring! Brrring! Brrring! (this is my cell phone ringing)

I grab my phone, it's 12: am, could it be a friend in trouble?

Me: Hello?
Guy: Hey! How ya doin'! I'm callin' about the roommate ad in CL
Me: I'm at a party, if you want to talk about it, please call me during the day.

I hang up, friends look at me quizzically, I tell them, they shake their heads.
You see, we all know what that means. If any potential roommate calls you after 10pm, they're trouble. It's just the way of the world.

Sunday around 2 pm, the phone rings.
Me: Hello?
Guy: Hey! How ya doin'! I'm call about the roommate ad in CL?
Me: You're the guy from last night?
Guy: Yeahhh, um, I'm really excited to move to New York, I live in Brooklyn.
Me: Can I ask you something? Do you work at night, is that why you called me so late?
Guy: Nah, I had nuthin' to do last night, so I figgered I'd call people.
Me: uh huh
Guy: Yeaaah, I'm a security guard down at one of the courthouses during the day, and at night I make adult films.
Me: uh huh
Guy: Uh, so can I see it? Can I come over now?
(I'm thinking no way in hell)
Me: Why don't we do this, call me tomorrow when you're in the city and I'll give you directions from work
Guy: You sure? I really want to move to Manhattan, like now
Me: Yeah, it'll be easier for you- you'll be able to time the subways etc.,
(I'm thinking when he calls the next day I'll tell him it's taken)
Guy: Oh, okay. Can I ask you something?
Me: Sure
Guy: Uh
Me: yeah
Guy: Um, well, um
Me: yeah
Guy: Um, well, um
Me: yeah
Guy: Um, well, um
Me; Oh for gawd's sake, what?!
Guy: Uh, um, can I walk around naked in the apartment?
(I have a white couch)
Me: I think you need to look somewhere else

The next morning I'm walking the dog and the cell rings.
Guy: Hey! How ya doin'! I'm callin' about the roommate ad in CL
Me: Oh no, you're "naked man."

I hang up